"you carry the love within"

Like you read I had a pretty bad day yesterday. But thats the good things about bad days, they are just days. Its not like you gonna feel bad a lifetime. Its a couple of days and then its over, you have good days again. And today have been one of does good ones. Nothing special really happend. Just me being me and being out in the sun and talking to a likeminded person.
I was so caught up in my bad mood yesterday and some days before that that I forgot that bad days goes away. It always gets better. Got some really amazing words from my beautiful soul down in Australia, and I was so happy reading it. She reminded me that bad days are not forever and that this is just a passing trough. This place Im at right now is not gonna be forever. And all the love you got from all people you met in your travels that feels so gone when everybody stops talking and goes back to normal life is till here. Its within you, all the dancing under the stars with the feet in the ocean, all the late nights and early mornings, all the sunrises and sunsets, all the waking up in the middle of the day next to a beautiful lake, all the running in cornfields screaming your lungs out,  all the night swimming in your birthday suits, all the love meetings, all the rock climbing, all the snorkling with turtles and sharks, all the festivals, all the beautiful souls, all the memories. You will always carry that inside of you and its yours to relive every time you want to. Just think of it and all the feelings bubble up inside. Its beautiful. Allmost magical. I miss everything ofcourse but I will always have all those memories and those beautiful people with me, wherever i go. LOVE

HONESTY

Okey, alot have changed for me the last couple of weeks. I stopped travelling and realised that Im not gonna afford to go to Australia right now. And yeah that sucked a lot. But its not the end of the world. So I started thinking. Where the hell am I gonna get money from? I have no job, no home. But I do know a lot of people and I still had my original plan. Moving to Norway. So here I am, in Oslo. Been living here for a week now. Right now Im living with my friend who´s a beautiful soul and his roomies. He´s been great and so welcoming. Even tough its winter and we all know how you can get in winter. I get like that every winter. You just wanna sleep, sleep and sleep.

If Im gonna be honest its been hard. Fuck harder than I taught it would be. Ive lost myself a little bit in the process and been stressing so much about it. I haven´t been listening to my body or my soul. Just wandering around everyday with some sort of anxiety. And oh i know that feeling a little bit to well. I have to relax, and let my body and mind realise that this is my home for a while now and that you can´t stress everything. Even now writing this I´m stressing because it didnt turn out as I wanted it to. But then again that´s life shit happens. Its just hard to adjust. Ive never been to Norway before and now Im gonna live here. But I´m missing the fun part. A new country, new people, new places to discover and a whole new world Ive never seen before. 

So I decided, even tough i should look for a job like crazy, Im just gonna stop for a bit. Take a couple of days, sleep until noon if i want to and do fun stuff, draw, take walks and just be. Just freaking be. Because all the things i need to do has been to much and it can wait. I have money to last me atlest 2 months without a job maybe even three. 

I was depressed for so long and only been well for a year. That makes it so easy falling back. 

Old ways of thinking, stressing. So now for the next couple of days Im just gonna relax, get myself back together. Doing yoga and meditation. To find myself again.

I just wanna be happy, energetic me. Who I am. So lets find her again and get a job. Ive been trough worse and theres nothing in this world that I can´t take so this compared to so much else I´ve been trough should be a peice of cake. It already feels better just to admit that I´m not doing that well.

It can only get better from here.

Late night toughts

After my last post I´ve been thinking. Of the fact that just when people know they are gonna die, they start to lie. Why is it so? Isnt that wierd? We all gonna die someday, its just that they know roughley when. Do we really need that pressure in order to really enjoy life, to really live?
I know its more right infront of you when you get a deathsentence and you see someone close to you pass away. But it shouldnt be that way. People who dont know when they gonna die should live more, because like I wrote you never know when you gonna take your last breath and that makes it so much real. I could go out and get hit by a car tomorrow, I dont know. Nobody really does. So we should allways sees the days we have and do everything we want in our lives, go after our dreams, text that cute guy, tell that beautiful girl you have a cush on her, go skydiving, do that course you really wanted, learn a new language, just hug your friend, learn to play an instrument, tell your mom you love her or call your brother. Because tomorrow they might not be here. And ofcourse you cant go around thinking that everybody you love are gonna die tomorrow or the day after or that you gonna do it. I just think we should live more, more in the moments. Dont you ever think about all those stuff you never did when you where younger, cause I know I do, that guy you never texted or that thing you wanted to learn. Its never to late and you will never be as ready as you are now to go after the things you want. Just freaking do it.

"Pain demands to be felt"

This could be one of the greater movies I´ve ever watched. Its so.. real. 

I would encourage everybody to watch this, It also makes you feel superstupid for ever lighting a cigarette.

I don´t know really why I like this kind of movies, I think maybe somehow its nice to relate. Or whatever you call it, I have no idea. I´ve been going trough a great deal of pain and lost in my life and when its real like this (even tough its just a move) it makes me feel like someone behind it most have been trough something, something tough to be able to write something so real. It means that maybe they also survived somehow and went on with their life. I love that. I love those happy endings, even tough I surely know life is not full of them. Matter of fact everything comes to an end in the end. But it just simply mean that we have to enjoy everything while its here, while we here. Live in the moments. And that goes not just for people with cancer(or any other sickness for that matter), or the people who knows about lost, it goes for everybody. Live life moment to moment, and feel them, really feel them, Be here, now. Because you never know when you´ll take your last breath and thats kind of the beauty of it, isnt it?

THE LUCKY ONE

All my heart desire. I´ve had that now. Everything I ever wanted in life. Seeing the world, beautiful meetings, love. I feel so blessed. This is my life. The life I wanted.
I can´t believe it. Everywhere I go I meet people who support me on this journey, people who wanna help, people who open up their homes, open up their hearts. Sometimes I just lean back and think yo myself I made it. I´ve done so much that I wanted to do. I followed my dreams, and here they are. Right in front of me, in the moments I´ve had. Its beautiful. But also scary. What if, what if this is not enough. What if i never find that place to call home, the place I´m gonna long for when I`m out in the world. What if I always gonna want something more. Then I decided that that's not gonna happen. My home is what i carry inside me. My home follows me wherever I go and whoever I´m with. My home is there inside of me. I´ll carry it with me to all the corners of the world. Go within or go without.
That was not at all what I was thinking to write about. Haha, me always sidetracking.
I´m back in one of my old hometowns, yeah I have a few. Since I´ve been back in Sweden I met almost all of my special ones, my soul mates. Right now I`m with Jonna, who´s one of them. One of those really special people who makes you feel so loved, blessed and happy about just being alive. Just being able to breath. Shes a walking artpiece and I`m so lucky she is my soulmate. Here I live with her and her parents in their house. Homecoock food, so much love and a bed to sleep in. All the small things. We´ve been out adventuring, meeting old friends, this friday was so beautiful. Almost everybody was there, or atleast so many people who dose´nt live here anymore at the same place at the same time, it dose´nt happen everyday. We danced, hugged, talked, laughed, listen to good music, hugged some more, broke my phone, hanged until the morning and walked all the way back in the dark. It was beautiful. And ones again I just stood there overwhelmed of how many beautiful people I have in my life, who are impressed, inspired and just glad to have me in their life's.
I´m just so happy that so many people support me in this. I gave up my security, my apartment and all my stuff. I had a good life, a nice apartment, good job, everything. But that was not what I wanted. So I gave it up. And I couldn't have done it without all my beautiful friends. They open their hearts and homes for me now when I´m back. I´m so happy for that. I really am the lucky one.
Today I´m off to my big brother for a couple of days and then Gävle! The town I last lived in, really excited. After that I leave to Norway for about a week to meet more beautiful people and then off to the other side of the world, Australia. Cant believe its happening, cant believe again this is my life. But this time I´m actually gonna try to slow down a bit, getting a job, making some money and all that stuff. Well wish me good luck, cause I know how bad I am with settling down. Hahah if you want it enough. Yeah we´ll see.