Open your heart

Every day can´t be a good day, cause then the good days wouldnt be good.
Todays been a really bad day. Have no energy what so ever. I´m stressed and have to listen to my body. It´s been so much going on ever since I got home. Been doing stuff all the time and havent eaten properly. Well now it cought up to me. Just been lying in bed all day, thinking of what to do. And all the stuff I have to do. No good at all. I´m thinking maybe to skip the festival in Portugal, listen to my body and just take it easy, to much change in to little time is not good. And getting rid of all my stuff, not having a proper apartment anymore, its a lot. But I never say never, maybe I book some planetickets and go anyway but right now my plans is just gonna be to take it easy and focus on the things I have to do.
Its hard poring your heart out. Or just admit that you having a bad day. Just before my travel I didn't open up, I didn't tell people about the shit in my life. Cause i couldn't and i didn't want people to treat me differently, or look at me with pity. Then an amazing person thought me that you can´t live like that, to much bubbles up in the end. You have to talk about your problems or otherwise it becomes to much. And oh i know that. I´m a really bad crier or I don't cry. Maybe two or three times a year. And instead of feeling sad I always try to do something that makes me happy instead so i don't think of the fact that I´m sad. It ended up with me having a lot of panic-attacks. Rarely get them anymore, but this last couple of days I´ve had the symptoms a little bit. So now its time to listen to my body again. Take it easy, breath, maybe some yoga and be at ease.
Looked at some old photoalbums and cried a bit today, and who figured it made me feel 100 times lighter. Sometimes all it takes is to just cry a bit.

Love lift up us high

Loving yourself is one of the hardest things to do. You will allways find something, some part of your body or something in your head or a bad hapit that you dont like. Think of it, we spend 24 fucking 7 with ourself. We´re bound to find something we dont like. Its wierd really cause in the end all we have is ourself, yeah other people can be in your life, it can me our families or a soulmate, or friends your with all the time. But when it comes down to it, its you, its allways yourself that is there. What I want to say with this is that we have to learn to be happy with ourself, is all we got, and to love ourself. Every part of us. When your with your friends that you love unconditional, we love them no matter what, all the bad sides included. So why do we humans have such a hard time just excepting ourself and love ourself for what we are? I´ve allways tought the expression "you have to love yourself before you love someone else" is a good one. Cause if you dont love yourself you can´t understand why someone else do and that makes it hard to love them. Try to see yourself in someone elses eyes. What do they love and why dont you love that?

This i just me rumbling. What I´m trying to say is that i think I´m on my way to love myself again. To be happy with what I´ve got cause its all I got. I´m not gonna grow another nose or get taller legs, i look like this and I´m allways gonna me lazy and stubborn. This is me, I look like this, I am like this. I´m just gonna except in and live with it. Change the things that´s worth changing, like habits and shit. But the rest I´m just gonna have to live with. And I´m happy with myself, I´m a fighter and if i want something i work for it and I don´t look that bad. Lift yourself up instead of stamping on yourself.  

We are all we got.

When sleep is not around

Can´t really sleep. Today´s been a day that I´ve been kind of scared. Been thinking what the fuck have I got myself into? What if anything go wrong, will the money be enough. will i sell enough stuff this weekend, what if something bad happens. But then I remind myself it will all be ok, I´m following my dream, things are going to go wrong, that's life, if you don't get out of here you will not be happy. Is not the place its just that I have to follow my dreams, and I want to travel, so I can´t stay here. Still get scared as shit, so much stuff to do in to little time. I don't know if I will have time to go to my birth town and visit my grandma and my friends before I go, But its not like I´m moving to the other side of the world (yet) I can go back and visit. I could always come back. That´s comforting. It will all be ok. I just have to remind myself of that, Its scary to follow your dreams it takes you out of your comfort zone. But it also takes you to places you never seen before. Like Oslo, in Norway. where I´m moving first, I´ve never been there and I+m somehow gonna live there for a while. Its crazy. but good crazy. Exciting crazy. I'm so happy this is my life and right now I don't want the adventure to end. And it wont, if i don't let it.

Just do it

Ever since I decided to get rid of my apartment and all the shit i gathered through the years everybody is telling me how brave I am. You wanna know a secret, I'm really not. I'm scared as shit. Or it goes from really happy and fucking excited to scared as shit. So its not that I'm brave I just know I cant stay here anymore. I wanna grow and see the world and I know this is my chance. If i don't take it i don't know if it will come again. So I'm just doing it. I know somehow it will be OK. I cant live like this after living in my travels, I want more from life and I'm going for it. Call it whatever you want i just call it taking the chance that's right beneath my feet. Its now or never. You can´t wait all your life for being ready, you will never be as ready as you are now.
So I start with Norway and then we´ll see where the fuck I end up. Everything I own is going to fit in my 55kg backpack, that's going to be interesting since you have to have a little warmer clothes there. And the rest is going in two boxes. Not more, nothing that's holding me back. Live easy, live light. I know I can do it, anybody can.

Endings are beginnings

I cant even put into words how much my travel has given me, so much love, so much realizations, so much life lessons, so much adventures, so much growth. And most importantly I stand on my own to feet again, my confidence is back and i know what i want in life. I could never in my wildest dream imagine how much i would get out of the plane tickets I booked four months ago. Ive made friends for life, I´ve got work experience and so much more. I´m going back, havent really planned out everything yet but looks like Im starting with Norway and Aussie. Once you lived that life, the life i love, the travel life you cant go back. Or at least I cant go back. I don't want this. I want adventures, I want new countries, I want breef lovemeetings, I want dancing under the stars with my feet in the ocean, I want days laying on the beach with my thoes sticking out of the sand, snorkeling with turtles, sharks and all sorts of amazing fishes, I want all of that again, and again and again. Cause i know thats what I want. Im getting a job first of all, making money, getting rid of my apartment and all my stuff. Im going to be a travellbaby. And oh, I´ve met so many out there, so many that work from place to place in countries they've never been in before. And i know i can. Just need my "plan" cause i know what happens to plans when you travel. They change a lot. And i love change. Never knowing where the next step will be until you take it. Be in one place one day and the next day another. What can I say this has really opend my eyes up to how i know a want my life to be. Like i said to all the people i met on my trip, Im becoming a traveling tattoo artist. I don't need all that fancy, dont even like my apartment anymore, I like shitty cheap hostels and crazy dormroomes. So thats what I´m going for, a life on the road!
I´m still glad to be back in Sweden to see all the people i love here again and spend Swedish summer and all the amazing things that go with it. I just know this summer is going to be crazy and a summer i will remember for the rest of my life. Life is just beginning!